Thursday, June 29, 2006

The Matrix Revolutions - DVD podBLAST

Ahh, Part 3. OK, so it's not as bad as 'Reloaded', but it still sucks. Yes, it's got an epic battle and some sweet fights, but you need a Microsoft networking certification to follow the plot. Plus, it still has crap like this:

LINK: He's gone.
LINK: Neo.
TRINITY: Where did he go?
LINK: I don't know.

Can we just cut it down to this?:

LINK: Hey Trin, Neo's gone and I don't know where he is.
TRINITY: Thanks for the update, Link. By the way, have I ever told you how much I love DVD podBLAST?

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Rollerball - DVD podBLAST

Imagine you have to do something that you really don't want to do. Say, your girlfriend drags you to the opera or something. Then, just as the singing begins, someone comes over and punches you in the nuts. So you're doing something that you really didn't want to anyway, but there's no way you could have guessed how truly painful the experience would be.

And so goes the DVD podBLAST of "Rollerball".

Though, we must admit, we've never been to an opera that featured Rebecca Romjin naked.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The Matrix Reloaded - DVD podBLAST

In this episode of "The Matrix," Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss are out save humankind. That is, if they can get their raging hormones under control.

Meanwhile, IN The 'Trix, Frenchy programmed himself a jealous girlfriend, The Twins stink up the joint, and The Keymaker tries to unlock Trinity's pants.

Darren was not in attendance, and therefore could not defend the film. (Sing-songy): TOO bad!

Friday, June 16, 2006

Gigli - DVD podBLAST

In one the most notorious bombs ever, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez (Bennifer 1) manage to act their way INTO a paper bag, and hermetically seal it behind them. No doubt they were happy to have Christopher Walken and Al Pacino in there with them.

Be warned - this movie stinks and stinks hard. We suggest you do what we did and order some delicious Papa John's - it will trick your brain into thinking Gigli deserves watching. And for the love of God people, do NOT attempt to watch this movie without our commentary!

Bonus - in one of J.Lo's 5000 monologues, she compares a woman's lips to her vagina while doing suggestive yoga poses. Brilliant.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Firewall - DVD podBLAST

Harrison Ford stars as a banker who harnesses the incredible power of a Dell fax machine in order to steal $100 Million for some jerks who are treating his family in a disrespectful manner.

MILFtastic Virginia Madsen co-stars.

(Updated link - BLAST should now download correctly)

A short conversation with Darren re: Firewall

Darren T. Mangler calls into the DVD podBLAST studios to express his disappointment with "Firewall", the next 'BLAST.


Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Robocop 3 - DVD podBLAST

By request, here is our BLASTing of Robocop 3, starring flying Robocop, cute little computer wiz cliche, band of renegades, throwaway plot, and Stephen Root.

Goes on record as the most expensive podBLAST ever, since we had to purchase the DVD.

Did we mention the movie sucks? Yeah, it sucks.