Why does a film like this suck so bad? It's got tragedy + time, so it should be totally hilarious, but it's not. Why?
Here's one theory... is Dan Ackroyd really the best actor to choose for the role of I-know-what's-going-to-happen-but-no-one-will-listen-to-me guy? Is that role even needed?
Perhaps DTM.C should have played the pivotal cook role?
Maybe it's the contrived plot: Boy loves Girl. Boy goes off to war, almost gets killed, but doesn't. He returns, bearing the secrets of the French "L'Anal", but Girl is now preggers from Boy's Best Bud, who then fights him in a bar. They become heros, Best Bud dies, and Boy raises his son with Girl.
So why does it fail? Who knows. Let the history books sort it out.
In any case, DVD podBLAST continues its holy war on Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett with this first time ever two-part BLAST. Unfortunately, luscious+creamy Kate Beckinsale gets caught in the crossfire.