Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Planet of the Apes - DVD podBLAST

Bravo, costumes. Bravo, makeup.

The rest of you, not so bravo. Other than a couple of commendable performances, this entire movie stinks like Curious George's latest bowel movement.

Tim Burton can't find a decent plot, Mark Wahlberg and Estella Warren's on-screen chemistry rates just below Helium, and monkey-fied Helena Bonham Carter brings up questionable feelings on several levels.

DVD podBLAST gives it five opposable thumbs down.


Blogger Lisa said...

I always thought Helena Bonham Carter monkey was kinda cute.

1:43 AM  
Blogger directorscut said...

Best podBLAST since SHOWGIRLS.

Commerce stream. Haha.

2:32 PM  
Blogger directorscut said...

PS. I stand by my boring comment.

The film is well made from a production standpoint (as well it should for $100 million).

But the quest is lame, I don't care about the story or characters (calling them characters would be a stretch). Marky Mark is a presence vacuum and Tim Burton can't direct action for monkey feces. There is not one memorable action shot from the final battle scene. FACT.

So While PLANET OF THE APES is boring, it never made me angry like real stinkers such as BAD BOYS II, which makes me wish humanity was taken over by feces throwing monkeys..

PPS. I'm pretty sure they're parallel dimensions - not time travel.

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Gary said...

Hey There Podblasters, good commentary. Theres a few things that need to be said here.

1. I believe That Tim Burton came late to this film so a lot of stuff was already in place,I think its a mistake though to try and remake a classic.

2. Re the time travel/alternate earth.I think that its an alternate earth which doesnt have anything to do with the planet that most of the movie is set on.

3.Basically it was a bad idea to make this film, it also does that weird thing were its hard to understand who they are aiming the film at.
Is it the 15 year olds who have probably never seen the original? or is it fans of the first film??? Theres little throw backs to first film but then they try and make this one different as well, I think its very confusing for all viewers.

By the way I do my own commentaries so thought Id mention my site is at they are more information based commentaries but we have had a good response so far.

Gary from OzPod

10:24 PM  
Anonymous Da Mangler said...

Remakes...REMAKES! Why? Are we so limited in screen plays in Hollywood? Everyone I know has a f'n screen play! Planet of the Apes was a novelty back in the, it's just silly. Let's see some gore! Let's see some naked tribeswomen! If you're going to remake something, SHOCK US! Just think if Johnny Depp would have made out with Varuca Salt in the Chocolate Factory THAT would have sold tickets!

Planet of the Apes sucks.

DA Mangler

9:41 AM  

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