Saturday, September 30, 2006

Wild Wild West - DVD podBLAST

Ladies and Gentlemen; BLASTphemers; Movie Lovers;

We give you: Wild Wild West.

What can we say, other than thanks for listening, we'll be back in January, and this movie cost 170 MILLION DOLLARS!!

If you look really close, you will actually see little dollar signs in Will Smith's eyes every now and then.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Judge Dredd - DVD podBLAST

The movie cost $90 million. No doubt most of it went to Stallone's salary, gold shoulder pads, and apple boxes.

The movie made $114 million, most of it overseas, where gold shoulder pads are always in style.

What conclusions may be drawn?

1. In 1995, people were stupid.
2. Sylvester Stallone's ass is a money maker.
3. PBWilliam (who attempted to defend) is a wiener.

Quick shout-out to Diane Lane: ...hey, ...uh, what's up?

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Planet of the Apes - DVD podBLAST

Bravo, costumes. Bravo, makeup.

The rest of you, not so bravo. Other than a couple of commendable performances, this entire movie stinks like Curious George's latest bowel movement.

Tim Burton can't find a decent plot, Mark Wahlberg and Estella Warren's on-screen chemistry rates just below Helium, and monkey-fied Helena Bonham Carter brings up questionable feelings on several levels.

DVD podBLAST gives it five opposable thumbs down.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

You Got Served - DVD podBLAST

The most controversial DVD podBLAST of the decade is here!
- Does this movie really suck, or are the BLASTers just grumpy old white men?
- Do these moves really count as dancing, or is it just hormones gone wild?
- PB4 is missing: Family vacation, or savvy career move?

Whatever the answers may be, the facts are clear: Two urban stereotypes make their money by dancing and working for a big fat drug dealer. When challenged to a dance-off by a couple of O.C. wiggers, they bite, get double-crossed, and lose their shirts. What are they to do? Answer: Enter the conveniently timed L.A. dance-off, and hope some little kid gets shot so they have a REAL reason to win.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Battlefield Earth - DVD podBLAST

If it takes a million monkeys a million years to come up with "A Tale of Two Cities", it would take 2 monkeys and a retarded squirrel about 14 hours to come up with the script for Battlefield Earth.

It's the year 3000, and the evil Psychlo John Travolta has just been ordered by "Home Office" to remain on the cesspool Earth indefinitely. Meanwhile, head ManAnimal Barry Pepper has learned how to communicate with the Psychlos as well as teach his caveman buddies how to fly 1,000-year-old Harriers.

Though the film by itself may induce suicide, our commentary will reduce that to mere vomiting, depending on how well you've got your gag reflex under control. So, enjoy that.